insanemembrane said...
I can understand that you are still continuously working on your essay and hope that you add more to your 3rd argument. Remember you also need an opposing point of view paragraph, a connection and a significance along with a conclusion of course.
There are minor misspelling and grammar errors from the intro paragraph and hope for you to not only revise you intro for silly mistakes but also the paragraphs following it.
And before i forgot to remind you, please read "Writing tips for Big Final Draft" on Andy's page. It's a list of things to do on your essay, mostly reminders such as reminding triangle partners to remind their partners about the list. Also you need a title...in bold.
Your essay is very neat and i am amazed that this portion is only your first argument and already filled with information and details. Your last paragraph however needs an end sentence to tie back to the thesis. Your first paragraph i understand well, but second paragraph..please be more specific on how the author or people would blame the device for its mistake when its really our fault.
You have an interesting thesis and i hope that in one of your paragraphs, you could explain why people blame devices when we should be pointing fingers at ourselves.
November 06, 2009
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