Thesis: Electronic representations are simulations that help people prepare for the future, expected and unexpected.
Argument 1: Games today revolve around players growth. These simulations revolves around the players choice and actions throughout the game. These new generation of games help players realize differnet points of view presented by CP (computer players), and how their actions effect every CP. And because these games are so real, the digital people in the games to become real. ~ Games: Fallout 3
Argument 2: They are simulations that help prepare for the future by giving you experiences first had through digital representations. Nowadays some game company see that the new generation of gaming is actual contact and physical motion.~Game: Wii Fit, and Xbox 360 Natal
Argument 3: Through television shows and movies when someone becomes ignorant, they usually pay the price. These simulations help viewers widen their perspective on their own personally situations and help them see a different point of view. ~Movie: Thank You For Smoking
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Richard,
ReplyDeleteI think you have to make your thesis stronger, and I don’t really see what you are arguing. Perhaps, clarify on what you are arguing more in your thesis, other than just saying it helps people to prepare for the future. It sounds more like significance than an argument. (I am guessing you are agreeing with “Everything Is Bad For Us” reading in your big paper?)
I think your argument 1 is weak and it doesn’t seem to connect to your thesis. You are arguing how electronic representations help people to prepare for their future, but you mostly focused on games. I think the term “electronic representations” might be too vague for you to use in this paper, because you did not cover all the different types of devices that we have such as cell phones, television, iPod…etc. Additionally, maybe for evidence, specify one game that does help people’s growth and future. Also, deepen the point why different point of view presented by CP is important and helpful? In other words, why realizing will help us in the future? Lastly for your 1st argument, when you said games are so real, what do you mean by real? In class, we said that the DRD is a representational device that represents the reality. Thus, we are not fully experiencing the full reality of everything, but just a representation of it by cell phones, iPods, video games…etc. I think you should clarify on what you mean by “real”. In my opinion, I don’t see how your argument connects to your thesis, you did not mentioned anything about the future, either expected or unexpected.
I think your second argument seem pretty good, it does connect to your thesis more compare to your first argument. You are saying how people can experience things through video games first before actually experience it in the real world. I do see how this will help people in the future, because they have picture, sounds, something that people can actually visual and imagine in their mind how it looks like. So they can sort of picture how it will be. However, I think by saying that, you are arguing the real world is very similar to the digital world (just slightly different), which I think they are completely different.
I think your third argument is pretty good also. You are saying how televisions and movies are one of the sources that provide us hints and tips in real life. So when we face certain situations that we see in daily life, we can use it as a helpful tip to solve the problems that we find it difficult to solve. Also it provides a different perspective to people, so they know the consequences of making certain decisions. I think this argument is definitely arguable, but keep in mind that by doing this, it doesn’t fully help us in the future. Because I can simply argue that by taking these advices that the television, we, as individual, do not or never get the chance to learn how to think for ourselves. Additionally, television doesn’t always provide us all the situations that we face in the future, how will this actually help us? Wouldn’t it make it worst for us in the future?
To sum up the main points that you should revise:
- Argument 1 (clarify)
- Thesis (vague by using the term “electronic representations” when you only cover video games, television in the paper. If you think about it, how can cell phone (electronic representation) help us in the future?)
I hope this help! Good luck on your paper.